new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
