a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do vagina's smell?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
