so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
