How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
