i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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