; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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