that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
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Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize