i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
