You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
