didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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