Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
