I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
