just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
