Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
