dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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