I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
