she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
