I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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