I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
