Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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