TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
