Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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