using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
