the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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