shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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