nut hugger
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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