Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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