these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Randomize
