just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
