I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
