ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
