I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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