he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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