Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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