thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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