You made me cry and you don't even care
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
