Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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