i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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