it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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