She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
