were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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