you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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