I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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