Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
