These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm at about main and main street
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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