You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
