hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
