ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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