New invention idea: vibrating tampons
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
