He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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