im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
