I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
