Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
