i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
