On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The Olympian is in my bed
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
