i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
