just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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