Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
