I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
