the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
