So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
