The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
His nipple licking is glorious
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