I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
