I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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