shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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