i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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