I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.