C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear