i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.