a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
