There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
