does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I will be naked everywhere
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
