The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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