you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
