i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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