New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
