Who did Billy Mays play for?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize