you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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