so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
